SO YOU MIGHT THINK IM AN ATHEIST NOW.

The other night, I was looking at some stuff that I have brought over from the Philippines to maybe feel wistfulness that would make me feel better. I leaned over to look and saw old highschool pictures of my friends, letters from vince and then noticed that it was all kept in my ORANGE METAL BIBLE. I grabed my metal bible and looked at it's rusty figure. It was a gift from my Aunt Arlene and Rean on my first despedida October 2004 if I recall. Then it hit me, I realized that my bible is the oldest possession I have, I haven't read my BIBLE INNNN A LOOONNG TIME, but I remembered some memories I've had with it. If I would describe my bible I would say, its so UGLY and it smells like RUSTED METAL. And you can notice that I've already had tough times with it, it also has anime stickers all around it, a lot of highlighted verses, and name tags from my g2p friends during JESUS GENERATION wayyyy back 2005. But the best thing about my bible are the messages on the first 3 pages that were left by my family and friends 8 years ago. It made me realize alot of things had changed since 2004 and looking back It was quite a bit of a tie between being proud and being not. 

For Christians, a bible is like a personal weapon, they bring it everywhere they go, it's like the best tool that could help a fallen Christian in times of crisis. And I subconsciously brought my bible here even though I didn't want to. I had shared my times of doubts and fought with God as many times as I have fought with my mom lol, but that doesn't mean that I had forgotten everything. When I held my bible, memories just came back to me, all those services that mended my heart, those times I've served the Lord by dancing and media, and those times I've led people, times that I got to spoke infront of people, saw miracles, pray and actually be at peace in mind and spirit and most of the times I've made my Aunt Arlene so proud of me. THESE WERE THE MOST PEACEFUL  TIMES OF MY LIFE.

I opened my bible and stumbled upon this verse the first sentence I read was "THERE IS A TIME FOR EVERYTHING". And I just suddenly started to cry, cry so hard and I continued on reading.... "and a season for every activity under the heavens"
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Whatever is has already been, 

   and what will be has been before; 

   and God will call the past to account

I realized that these past years that I haven't been that close to God, and most of the times I question and shun him. I always thought I was alone, doing things on my own not even talking to my family blinded by pride I chose a different path. But I wouldn't really make it here without God's help. I wouldn't be who I was without Him, I always found peace when I get to talk to Him, and read his word. Even though I'd get so mad, I just know that I LOVE GOT DEEPLY.I have lost so many things but I guess there is a season for everything. Hoping that season is over, I'm starting a new life contemplating this time is better for me, as I am trying to become better person, trying to get close to God again. I'll always be grateful to my Orange METAL bible for saving my ass everytime I draw far from God, it always has the right answers in my adversities.

WATCH THIS CLIP this was 2007 and that girl in white was ME. Never knew a year from that video, I'd be facing each and one of those challenges. I guess this play was really meant for me. :)